better to be hated than love love loved for what you're not

My current life in 90 questions

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1. What was the highlight of your week?
That would be my birthday. Fam singing Happy Bday to me in Jeni's.

2. Whose car were you in last?
My mom's.

3. When is the next time you will kiss someone?
Goooood question. Nowhere in the near future unless I'm dumb or situations change.

4. What color shirt are you wearing?
Green tank, yellow sleeved over thing.

5. How long is your hair?
Pretty long. I'm thinking I'm going to cut cut it soon. Crazy. Just feels like the right time.

6. Are you good looking?
Ridiculously good-looking? I can hot it up, sure.

7. Last movie you watched?
HP6.

8. Who were you with?
Tricia and thousands of my closest friends.

9. Last thing you ate?
Fried (rosemary + garlic) broccoli.

10. Last thing you drank?
Water.

11. When was the last time you had your heart broken?
Uh, too recently, man. It's kind of been a long-term thing that sort of came to a head a few weeks a

12. Who came over last?
go. // To this house?? Hillary, I think.

13. Are you happy right now?
I'm all right.

14. What did you say last?
I was singing "Sunday Afternoon."

15. Where is your phone?
Good question, ha. I never keep track of that thing.

16. What color are your eyes?
Green. Though sometimes they trend more hazel/golden than other times.

17. Are you left-handed?
Nope, though Tommy P. recently thought I was due to my drinking with my left hand.

18. Spell your name without vowels:
Jssc. Cute. And now I'm thinking I've done this a long time ago because that answer was already he

19. Do you have any pets?
re. Hmm. // Sort of, but actually not really. And Idk if I can afford one now.

20. Favorite Vacation?
Spring Break 2008 ... Italy, Ireland. OR Scotland.

21. What do you dislike currently?
Every boy situation in my life. That my room is messy because I have nowhere to put things. General

22. What are you listening to?
future stress (moving, grad). // "Save You" by Kelly Clarkson.

23. If you could have one thing right now what would it be?
Oh, money, no doubt. Otherwise...a relationship. God that's so fucking cliche and pitiful. Evs.

24. What is your favorite scent?
Scents that remind me of things from the past. I have a wide range of smell ... I like quite a few.

25. Who makes you happiest?
Oh anymore, it's not one single person but the fact that I have multiple to count on when I need it.

26. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Probably on my bed with my laptop, getting ready to Wii.

27. When is your birthday?
The fifteenth of July. Recently passed.

28. Who has the same phone as you?
Oh man, the random-est of people. Usually gay men, I've found. Another thing to love about them.

29. Last time you went swimming in a pool?
Last summer, end of it. God that was so nice. I really love having pools to myself.

30. Do you read your horoscope?
Sometimes. I certainly don't make a habit out of it.

31. Where was the last place you bought something?
KMart...ick. Arizona Iced Tea for $1, though, so don't hate.

32. How do you feel about your hair right now?
It's so dirty, man. We're on the fifth day. But it's up and semi-cute.

33. Do you bite your nails?
Hellz yeah. They annoy the shit out of me when long. Harder to type/play guitar.

34. Do you have any expensive jewelery?
Yeah, recently I've acquired some very expensive jewelry that I almost wish I just had the cash inst

35. Do you have any expensive jewelery?
ead. Wow I'm poor. //

36. Myspace or facebook?
Uh ... wow, neither? Fbook, I GUESS, but I like the music on Myspace.

37. How fast have you driven a car?
I know I've reached 90 ...

38. Have you ever smoked?
Yep. Enjoyable on a sparse basis. Short, rare bursts of smoking a lot work for me, ha.

39. What was or is your favorite subject in school?
Psych has been it for me. Otherwise ... I liked math because I was good at it and it was sensical.

40. Do you have Verizon?
Yep, ha. Who doesn't. (iPhone users, I suppose.)

41. What type of boy or girl do you usually fall for?
Unavailable ones. (Damn I answered the same last time, ha.) I like those who have a spirit of life t

42. Do you have any hidden talents?
o them, who are funny, engaging, sweet, and not too ordinary. // I don't think so...most of mine are

43. Favorite Song?
'out' at this point. // Could be Hallelujah Jeff Buckley, Home Marc Broussard, or Don't Stop Believi

44. Do you like to sing at all?
ng Journey. // Yeah, I do.

45. Dream Job?
I'm gunning for it right now, thankfully. If it allowed me to travel even more, that'd be sweet.

46. Where does most of your family live?
In Ohio, mostly.

47. Are you an only child or do you have siblings?
Siblings, one sister.

48. Would you consider yourself to be spoiled?
I mean, I think I was when I was younger. Not so much now because I kind of have my own life.

49. What was the first thing you thought when you woke up?
Today? I was jolted by visions of where the lost keys may have been. But I was wrong.

50. Do you drink?
Hellz yeah, kids. I really do quite like alcohol.

51. Know any other languages?
French decently...I could probably survive with my Italian, Spanish, Irish Gaelic...

52. Ever write a coded message?
Oh I'm sure I have, back in middle school and such. I'm a coded person..cautious.

53. Have you ever been IN a wedding?
Yes, several. The last one I went to though, I was just an attendee.

54. Do you have any children?
Nope nope nope.

55. Did you take a nap today?
Yeah, actually. I hardly ever nap, but my body was like whoa 3 hours sleep for no reason? NO THANK

56. Who has the same birthday as you?
YOU. // Rembrandt, Brian Austin Green, my ex-bf.

57. Ever met anyone famous before?
Yeah. NY is good for that.

58. Do you want to be famous one day?
No, I have no desire for fame. Riches, sure. Fame, absolutely not.

59. Any Pet Peeves?
Getting the mat outside of the shower soaked. Come on!

60. Are you multitasking right now?
Nope. I should be working but I'm secretly waiting to watch TB.

61. Do you like Britany Spears?
Sure. I think she has issues like the rest of us, compounded by the life she has led, but I have no

62. What is your least favorite chore?
reason to dislike her. // Dishes? Vacuuming (I only do it in heels usually)?

63. Last place you drove your car?
I think that was probably to Tricia's house on Tuesday night pre-midnight HP6 (well and then back ho

64. Ever been out of the country?
me). // Yeah, a lot actually. Not enough lately. Been over a year. Saaaad face.

65. Where were you born?
Florida.

66. Could you handle being in the military?
Probably not ... that sort of brainwashed community one-goal/need thing is weird for me.

67. What is your average cell phone bill?
I wouldn't know since I don't pay for it ...

68. Who are you thinking about right now?
Oh, always that one boy. I got rid of it for a little bit, but it always always comes back. Argh.

69. When was the last time you laughed REALLY hard?
Hm, I don't know, but I'm lucky enough to laugh a lot in my life.

70. How many pairs of shoes do you own?
Ooh, if I were to guess ... 20? I'd have more if I didn't make myself not buy half of what I want.

71. Are your toes always painted?
Not always, no. They are sort of remainder-from-May painted right now.

72. How many piercings do you have?
Six holes total in my ears.

73. What are you doing today?
The day is almost over, man. Working, watching TB, Wii-ing.

74. Have you ever been gambling?
Nope. I don't really think I'd be into it. Too much risk.

75. When is the last time you updated your page?
Ha, I don't update things like ... ever.

76. Do you like rollercoasters?
Yes, quite a bit.

77. Have you ever been to disneyland or world?
World, yes. Land, no.

78. Do you have a favorite cartoon character?
Not really.

79. Last thing you cooked?
Fried broccoli. This morning I made huevos rancheros. Twas a good cooking day.

80. How's the weather?
Oh I actually wouldn't know. Haven't been outside since my sleepy stupor at 10 am. I think it's un

81. Do you e-mail?
seasonably chilly recently, but I like that. // Yes...? Who *doesn't* email at this point?

82. What's the stupidest thing you ever did with your cell phone?
I've been pretty lucky with my phones. Never dropped it in coffee or down a toilet, like my friends

83. Last time you were sick?
Luckily awhile ago. Sometime during last semester. I always get sick during school ... stress/livi

84. What states have you lived in?
ng with a ton of other people. // Ohio, New York, and briefly Florida.

85. Do you wish you could move?
Not really I guess. I like C-bus, but I also sort of wish I got something new again.

86. Do you take all the QuizPox.com quizzes?
F this spam shiz.

87. What is your dream car?
Corvette, most definitely. The new ones are looking hooot, but I still like the 60s/70s ones.

88. Have you ever wanted someone you cant have?
Ha, that is the story of my life, dear personified survey. I only want those I can't have, it seems

89. If you could be anywhere right now where would it be?
...because I always don't like the ones who come too easily. // Probably back in London, sitting in

90. Are you happy with your life?
the square by Birkbeck. // Yeah, I've gotten to do some very very cool things. I hope more is in store.

we were never meant to be, baby we just happened

Self: Nine of Coins

Main (positional) meaning | General | Position

Freed from uncertainty about your future, you can develop your talents and enjoy greater abundance.

The card in the Self position reveals aspects of how you perceive yourself right now.

The Nine of Coins in this position indicates liberation from survival fears, freedom from worry and uncertainty. The traditional image shows a person who has enough, is taken care of, whose needs are supported. The abundance she enjoys allows her the freedom to be herself and cultivate her natural talents and interests.

This is a wonderfully optimistic card that says you are starting from a well-supported position. Somehow you have placed yourself in a flow of abundance. The question is "What are you going to do with this opportunity?"

Situation: King of Wands

Main (positional) meaning | General | Position

The designated leader needs your support right now, even if he or she does not yet know how to use power objectively.

The card that lands in the Situation position refers to social or circumstantial factors which could be affecting your life at this time.

The King of Wands in this position suggests that a new level of authority has been assumed by someone in the environment and that person may still be getting used to this position. Your patience and compassion can help them get their bearings. It is not in your best interests to appear competitive, so lend your support humbly.

Resist the temptation to upstage this person even if it would be easy. Your friend, newly emerged as a leader, needs your support right now, even if he or she does not yet use power objectively.

Challenges/ Opportunities: The Sun

Main (positional) meaning | General | Position

Balance is required when one is in the presence of blessing.

The card that lands in the Challenges/Opportunities position refers to ways that you can turn obstacles into stepping stones.

The Sun challenges you to relax and cooperate with a positive and benign time in your life while not becoming addicted to whatever praise and cooperation you are enjoying. You are being advanced both by circumstances and by having the right connections.

You are in the right place at the right time and well prepared for this opportunity. You deserve this good fortune. Don't become overconfident or carelessly self-absorbed and throw this opportunity away. Remain attentive in a relaxed and expressive state.

Foundation: Page of Wands

Main (positional) meaning | General | Position

Conditions from the past will be repeated unless you awaken to alternatives.

The card in the Foundation position points to influences from your personal history, your roots and background.

This card is traditionally entitled a Page, but in some modern decks as a Princess. In this position, this card recognizes something very familiar in your situation that takes you back to a time when unexpected news changed your life. It could either have been a positive experience with a pleasing outcome, or the opposite.

At any rate, take time to remember the event in detail because your current situation will echo your earlier response unless you consciously make an effort to react differently and create a new pattern. Your intuition, like a faithful messenger, is prodding you to awaken to what is unfolding and the new choices you have. Be clear about what you want to happen this time so that past mistakes are not repeated.

Recent Past: Ace of Wands

Main (positional) meaning | General | Position

Someone has shown you how to develop singleness of purpose.

The card in the Recent Past position refers to events that are just departing, recently influential but now diminishing in power.

With the Ace of Wands in this position, you have been shown an example of a person who has unified his or her will, heart and mind. Such an example is an extraordinary gift. Such a person is not only without duplicity but is like the still center of a howling gale.

Capture this person's image and remember it, because it will help you develop a sense of inner harmony and singleness of purpose. This is not only an important lesson but also a real blessing that shouldn't be forgotten.

Higher Power: The Hermit

Main (positional) meaning | General | Position

Let other people tend the garden; you are in the sanctum praying.

The card in the Higher Power position reflects the broader perspective and influence of your conscience, Guardian Angel, inner wisdom.

The Hermit in this position implies that an elder lives in your psyche. This wise part of yourself is trying to wean you from your addictions and social distractions and strivings. Because this inner resource offers you such a subtle and precious wisdom, it must be met in the inner sanctum, the privacy of your meditations, the protected space where a shaman performs ritual and encounters the spirit world. The Hermit is instructing you to pull away from the herd and question the spiritual meaning of what you are involved with. Focus on what is essential.

Near Future: Strength

Main (positional) meaning | General | Position

An upcoming event will test your ability to detach from the arena of ego and choose the higher ground.

The card in the Near Future position indicates which way the wind is blowing with regard to your situation. If you follow the Advice card, however, you can improve on or neutralize tendencies.

The Strength card in this position promises a chance to see how appropriately you can behave even when you are tempted by emotional provocation, misunderstanding, or your own righteous indignation. As is often the case, others may press our personal hot buttons, whether they mean to buzz them or not! Your challenge is to be patient and hold your fire until the higher impulse can override the lower.

In the process of being tested, you may undergo feelings of threat, stress and pressure--possibly even fear and anguish. If you find the Strength to withstand being seriously unsettled, however, you will move to a realm of higher reasoning. From there you can bring about a peaceful solution that resolves the situation for everyone's sake. Go forth with confidence and courage. You have nothing to fear, once you have conquered your reactive, instinctive, irrational animal nature.

Blocks & Inhibitions: Ace of Cups

Main (positional) meaning | General | Position

Ask yourself why you feel unworthy of the harmony and benevolence that you need and are abundantly available to you.

The card in the Blocks position points to self-undermining tendencies, areas where you could be in denial, where you could get stuck -- unless you examine yourself and make some corrections.

When the Ace of Cups is in this position, you are struggling with a belief that there is not enough approval to go around. You have internalized the conviction that someone has to do without. Apparently you think that person is you.

Although the Ace of Cups traditionally represents the fountain of love, abundance, and affirmation, times of considerable deprivation cause us believe we are unworthy of receiving divine love or the love of others. Aggressively question your feelings of inner guilt and shame. They are preventing divine, beneficent, universal love from pouring down upon you as it does upon everyone else. Why separate yourself from it at a time when you need it so much?

Allies: Six of Wands

Main (positional) meaning | General | Position

When you receive recognition from higher-ups, accept it with confidence.

The card in the Allies position points to people who can be supportive or helpful to you at this time.

The Six of Wands in this position suggests that you have the wherewithal to be seen as a peer by people you value as role models and leaders. They may even be enthusiastic about working with you or willing to lend their expertise and good name.

This is not a time to be too humble or in awe. Hold your head up and join these new ranks proudly. Take it in that you are accepted and honored in this way. Take time to learn what it means to join the ranks of those you used to admire as role models. This is a great time for you.

Advice: Eight of Cups

Main (positional) meaning | General | Position

Look deep within for the motivation behind an occasional tendency to be pessimistic or depressed.

The card in the Advice position suggests a course of action which will harmonize what you want with what is currently possible.

With the Eight of Cups in this position, look inside and recognize the part of you that still nurses an old grudge from a past injury or trauma. For the most part, your forward-looking self has moved along and you are getting on with your life. Yet there may still be a part of you that resists the healing. Are you nursing old wounds from painful losses of faith and trust? If so, now may be a good time to scrutinize your current motives.

See if you are still being influenced by that part of you that cuts short your enthusiastic, optimistic impulses. Do not deny this pessimistic tendency. Ignoring the truth can cause it to flare up in another part of your psyche. Instead, seek to understand and accept the hesitation and the fear you may feel, and come to terms with these feelings. Then you can put some old emotions in their rightful place -- behind you.

Long-term Potential: Five of Wands

Main (positional) meaning | General | Position

When successes are jeopardized by increasing controversy, don't back down.

The card in the Long-term Potential position points to unknowns still taking shape. It is the "wild card" yet to be played.

When the Five of Wands is in this position, it suggests that over a period of time your successes will be accompanied by increasing controversy or competition. It will be helpful to thicken your skin and increase your tolerance for negative feedback.

Those who have defined the situation or marketplace up to this time will have to make space for you, though they may do so begrudgingly. Instead of avoiding the situation, use it creatively to multiply your impact.