it's hard to change the way you lose if you think you've never won

the person i like and why i like them.

• Well I'm not gonna out right say the person sooooorry, but everyone important in my life including the person pretty much knows who it is. I have stumbled when trying to articulate why, because there really is no logical reason, but it's just this automatic feeling I had around them. Times together are light-hearted but meaningful, simultaneously goofy and philosophical. We like a lot of the same things. It's inexplicable really, but the way I feel when he looks at me or traces his hands down my arm ... there's no need for a why then.

a famous person i’ve been compared to.

• Drew Barrymore, which I actually dig. I think she and I would either hate each other or more likely be awesome friends.

5 things that irritate me about the same sex/opposite sex.

• Same sex: cattiness, quickness to hate each other, the massive level of fakery that will be employed, relentless gossip (also I love this though), how they will always blame the girl outside the relationship for cheating rather than the actual cheater. Opposite sex: inability to be very layered/achieve depth (although again I kind of love this about them too -- what you see is almost always what you are meant to be getting), the shocking level of messy they will tolerate, how they think one compliment entitles them to sexual favors, how they will trust any dude over girls they know really well, their inability to 'get' texting.

the best thing that has happened to me this week.

• Seeeeeeex. Definitely. Ha. But no really that has been the best thing. Other things have been legit, like fancy dinners with cute waiters and dancing on rooftops and flirting with cowboys and sailing over lakes but I mean ... nothing can quite take the award over that.

weird things i do when i’m alone.

• I do a lot of objectively weird things when I'm alone, but I am alone so often now that I really have forgotten they are weird and now I'm honestly just like this all the time. I think it's good ultimately because it just means I'm freed of those burdens of like 'omg what do I look like to this person, who do they want me to be and am i being it, is this normal, will they find this strange' and I honestly just kind of am whatever I wanna be at that moment. It's probably compose dance routines or sing-act though. I do that straight up often.

how i’d spend ten thousand bucks.

• Save up that shit because I'm poor as fuck AND my future is uncertain. Let's say maybe I'd spend $1000 of it on frivolity, in which case I would buy moisturizer, BB cream, new perfume, etc. at Sephora, a shit ton of nail polish at Ulta, some dresses/tops at Forever 21, new jeans, and let's say a dip down to Hogwarts for some Butterbeer and to NY for lots of food and general soaking it in.

things i like and things i don’t like about the way i look.

• I like my hair most days. I like when I'm lying down or slightly crossed over and my hip bones just out. I like my boobs. I'm not huge on my inner thighs or upper arms or belly or upper back right now. But all of that is because I haven't had time to work out consistently for a few months. It'll come back.

my last night out in detail.

• Haaa I can't detail you that! A, it'd take forever because the amount of detail I can give you is insanity. B, inappropriate. So you get a summary! Went out last night with a huge group, ended up unsurprisingly with one person after they made their move and stopped putting their hands through other girls' hair (I swear, I will get jealous over people I don't even like, wtf is that business), and then went home with them. Loveliness.

something that makes me sad when i think about it.

• Honest to goodness the first thing that popped into my head was that Sarah McLachlan commercial. Haaa oh my.

something i’ve lied about.

• Oh well just today I lied about my night out last night. Downgraded that story significantly, left out the best and really only important/meaningful/memorable parts.

would i rather be stranded on a desert island with someone i love for ten years or someone i hate for a month? explain why.

• Oooh, I like you question. Pitting these things against each other ... Someone I hate for a month, and I'll tell you why. I would rather risk being fucking miserable for a month (and I would be for the desert island part regardless) and have the alternate be maybe I end up liking this person (worst case scenario I still hate them) than risk starting to hate someone I love, and 10 years is a LONG time to be around one person and not start hating them.

something i’m currently worrying about.

• School. Being able to afford rent. Having to move. Failing.

something i do without realising.

• Make it very obvious when I like someone, apparently. My flirting knows no bounds nor discretion, apparently.

lyrics that apply to my current situation/mood.

• I have a heart, I swear I do, but just not baby when it comes to you.

a drunken story.

• One time I ran through corn fields and got wine poured into my mouth from a hay loft while I was on the ground...?

something i regret.

• I really don't regret anything I've done if mostly because I see no point to regretting it. It won't change that it happened, might as well just let it go and move forward.

my longest relationship and who it was with.

• Well, that's a good question because 'relationship' could mean a lot of things. I'm going to go with the around-three-month mark which ties two people for that. I'm a mover and a shaker and I get bored easily what can I say.

press ctrl v and post.

• It would just be these questions, but I did initially get super excited about that question.

post a bit of my last IM convo.

• Oh I don't do that anymore.

5 things i want to change.

• I want to be more fearless and indulge in my thoughts/impulses rather than just thinking them, aka to allow myself to be. I want to lose weight (generic). I want to actually save money. I want to re-paint my nails. I want to hang out with more and more people, meet more people, etc.

someone i’d like to be for a day and why.

• This is such a weird thing, but I'd want to be a boy because I really have to imagine it would feel so different and it's something I just can't reach to the imagination of. It's like an empathic experience I can't quite access, which fascinates me of course.

5 things within touching distance.

• Couch! (currently touching.) Snuggie. Pillows. phone. Salsa.