we gotta make a decision, leave tonight or live and die this way.

Currently...
Right now...
Where are you at?:	I'm AT my desk, in my room.
Where were you last?:	On my bed.
Are you in a relationship?:	I'm in many relationships, but none of the romantic nature.
Are you happy?:	Nahh, not really. I had a semi-breakdown yesterday.
What is the last thing you accomplished?:	Failing a test I should have passed? Um ... finishing all the cages on Friday.
What are your plans for the next week?:	Study for Physics, try not to die/kill myself (mentally, mostly), go to class.
What are some goals you have?:	To get into vet school. Which is proving to be very very difficult. To get at least B's in my science classes.
What are you listening to?:	Matt Nathanson.
Any regrets?:	Yes, but ultimately no because there's no sense in regretting. It won't change anything.
Eating anything?:	No.
Drinking?:	No. I had some Vitamin Water not so long ago. I should drink some water. It might make me feel better.
Who are you with?:	Myself. Nalleli is over there working on a paper.
Last person you saw?:	Probably Nalleli, on some backwards glance.
Next person you'll see?:	Ditto.
How are you feeling?:	Not very good. Like I'm failing at life and finally finding out what I want isn't enough because I'm not good enough to actually achieve it.
Mood?:	Dejected. Worried. Helpless. Confused.
What did you do yesterday?:	Went to Target, got my Orgo score, spent the rest of the day in bed.
The day before?:	Studied, took my orgo quiz, took my orgo test, volunteered for nearly six hours.
Today?:	Got up late-ish (but early-ish, for how much I slept), been on the Internet, ate cereal, talked to Z on the phone, Internet-ed some more. Felt guilty.
Are you independent?:	Yeah, pretty much. Besides the fact that I don't pay for any of what I have (it's all scholarship/money from parents).
Do you want kids?:	Yeah, I think so. They scare the shit out of me, but I feel it's something I want to do.
Would you be a good parent?:	I think so. I hope so.
Do you want to get married?:	Yeah, see the kids thing.
Are you/have you ever been a *player*?:	No. I like a lot of people at one time, usually, but someone almost always comes out on top, or I'll really only pursue something with one person.
Favorite restaurants?:	Um, I don't know. I've answered this elsewhere.
Do you live on your own?:	Yeah, basically. I have roommates.
Do you plan on moving soon?:	Not really, no. Unless you count six months as soon.
Things you need to buy to move?:	Nothing really, save a storage space to keep stuff here for when I move back.
What do you want for Christmas?:	I just saw this Jimmy Stewart TCM DVD set that I *totally* want, and there are probably lots of other things, but mostly I just want thoughtful gifts.
Halloween plans?:	Man, nothing. I have Scholars that night. =( I wanted to go to the parade! Maybe I will anyway, maybe it starts after that. We'll see.
Tonight plans?:	Definitely nothing. Homework. I have Bio at 9 in the morning tomorrow.
How many webisites are you a member of?:	Dude, I don't even know. A lot. At least ten that I can think of, probably countless others that I've forgotten.
Do you have a car?:	Yes, at home.
Do you have a job?:	Not besides being a student which is killing me right now anyway, so I def. couldn't handle anything else.
Are you in school?:	Yes.
When do you plan on being out of school?:	Welll, let's see. 2.5 more years of this, and then hopefully 4 years of vet school, but there may be several years of break inbetween that if I don't get in. =(
What personality traits are most attractive in your bf/gf?:	Sense of humor, kindness, intelligence.
Physical?:	Cute hair.
Can you date more than one person at a time?:	Not seriously.
Can you be in a relationship with more than one person at a time?:	No.
Have you ever cheated?:	No.
Been cheated on?:	No.
What do you consider cheating?:	Um, I don't know. Most things, I guess.
Once a cheater, always a cheater?:	Maybe. It's all situational.
What can someone do to make you feel insecure about a relationship?:	Ignoring me usually does it.
What can someone do to make you feel wanted?:	Lots of things. Personal attention.
How do you know you like someone?:	Jealousy is a good indicator, when I say their name a lot, when I start doing that smiley thing whenever they call, when I say things (only) to make them laugh.
How do you know you love someone?:	Oh man, that's way more complicated. It has no formula.
Where is your family?:	In Ohio.
Where is your best friend?:	In Ohio.
What are you needing right now?:	To pass science. To not be so discouraged at this huge wall in front of me that I give in to quitting.
Wanting?:	Some sort of affection. I need to distract myself from all the self-loathing and worries.
When will you see your bf next?:	Well, if by bf you mean boyfriend, goodness knows because I don't have one. If you mean best friend, probably next month.
Last movie you saw?:	I watched part of "The Future of Food" last night, but all the way through, "The Aristocrats."
Next movie you want to see?:	I really want to see Nightmare Before Christmas in 3D, and Running with Scissors, and Marie Antoinette, and I still want to see Little Miss Sunshine.
Last 4 websites you visited?:	Fandango (to look up those movies), this one, my NYU mail, and NYU study abroad.
Last person you talked to online?:	My mom.
Last compliment recieved?:	I don't even know.
Last compliment given?:	Sadly, I don't know either.
What are you doing after this is done?:	Probably another one of these. Starting anything just sounds depressing. And it's all in vain anyway, it would seem. I fail even when I study. A lot.
Take this survey | Find more surveys Bzoink - The Original Survey Site

==============

A "Getting to Know You" Survey
The Basics
Name::	Jessica.
Birthdate::	7/15.
Birthplace::	Florida.
Current Location::	NYC.
Eye Color::	Green.
Hair Color::	Blonde.
Height::	5'3".
Your webpage::	I have a lot. None of them need to be so connected as to mention them on each other.
Are you taken?:	I'm taken with ideas and worries.
Are you a virgin?:	Yes.
How many & what kind of pets do you have?:	Lots of cats, one dog.
What's your job?:	To not kill myself being a student. To do well at it. I'm going to get fired soon, it would seem.
What's your Dream Job?:	Veterinarian. Hopefully I can get there.
Who is your best friend?:	Already answered. As are most of these.
What instruments do you play?:	Clarinet. At least, I used to...
What are your hobbies?:	I used to do a lot, I guess.
What are your goals?:	To make it through school and into vet school.
Would you ever sky dive or bungee jump?:	Sky dive, yeah. Bungee, maybe, probably not.
What kind of books and/or magazines do you read?:	Magazines, I like Jane and Blender the most. Books, I usually just read fiction, either classics or something new that looks good/was recommended to me.
How would do describe yourself?:	Right now, as a failure, but that's because I'm still in the midst of my semi-breakdown yesterday. Ask me later.
What is a topic you wish you knew more about?:	All science, apparently.
What do you daydream about?:	Things actually going the way I want them to.
What are your religious/spiritual beliefs?:	I'm Christian, but loosely because I don't believe so much in the institution of religion.
List 3 Things You Would Change About Yourself:
One::	I would say study more and take things more seriously, but I already do and am still failing, so ... just be able to do better?
Two::	Be more positive. maybe.
Three::	Already, the idea of changing myself is freaking me out, so I'll refrain from another.
Either / Or
Shy or Outgoing?:	Outgoing, I guess.
Spender or Saver?:	Saver.
Truth or Dare?:	Truth.
Books or Movies?:	Movies.
Romantic Comedy or Action Adventure?:	RomCom.
Cats or Dogs?:	Dogs.
Mountain or Beach?:	Beach.
Sweet or Salty?:	Sweet.
Do You...
Smoke?:	No.
Drink?:	Yes.
Get annoyed easily?:	Sometimes. It depends on my mood.
Like to travel?:	Yes.
Like to drive fast?:	Yes. Something about the attraction of danger.
Sing well?:	Yeah, at least kind of.
Want kids?:	Yes, in the far future.
-----What would you name a boy?:	It would depend on what felt right at the moment, but I like the idea of naming him after my grandfather.
-----What would you name a girl?:	Again, it would depend. I really like Ava for some reason lately.
Have You Ever...
Performed on stage? In what?:	Yes, My Fair Lady.
Been in a car accident?:	Yeah, small-ish ones.
Been out of the country? Where?:	Yes, France and Italy (and technically Germany/England for airports).
What Is...
The last CD you bought?:	I bought Keane's new CD, John Mayer's "Continuum," and Jeff Buckley's "Grace" (again) all at the same time.
The last movie you saw in the theater?:	The Last Kiss.
The last movie you rented?:	The Future of Food, The Aristocrats, and some documentary about Walmart, all from Netflix.
Your greatest fear?:	Right now, it's to let me and others down by not succeeding at school.
Your greatest strength?:	Hopefully rising above that.
Your greatest weakness?:	Being too weak/wallowy/depressed/dejected to even try.
Your happiest memory?:	I don't remember. Fun times as a youth.
Your Favorite...
Movie::	Casablanca.
TV Show::	Grey's.
Actor::	Jimmy Stewart, Johnny Depp, Dustin Hoffman, Bill Murray. (The secret appears to be double letters.)
Actress::	Scarlett Johansson, Natalie Portman.
Food::	Mashed potatoes. Sadly, pizza. (I don't let myself eat this much anymore.)
Drink::	Lemonade-y things lately. Also, variants of water. Chocolate (soy)milk.
Color::	Green.
Scent::	A lot of things. Certain colognes that remind me, that scent of wood-burning fall approaching, fresh-cut grass, clean warm towels, baking bread...
Season & WHY::	Autumn, because it's the perfect transition. It just feels like autumn always coincides with my mind. And it's beautiful.
Day of the week & WHY::	Lately, Saturday because it's the in-between (the shit of Friday/Sunday) day.
Store::	Target lately, just because it has everything. But really, I should go back to Trader Joe's. I like it more for food.
Quote::	Leap and the net will appear, and many from The Alchemist. But really, the net is not appearing yet.
What Do You Think About...
Abortion::	I'm pro-choice. You will not convince me otherwise (that the government has a right to tell me how to act with my body).
Homosexuality::	It's fine (and dandy, ha). No, really, it's no different than eye color or something ridiculously useless to judge people on.
God::	I think too much happens perfectly for God not to exist.
Jesus::	I had a personal experience that makes me believe Jesus existed as well, but I am certainly not about to jump on the "if you don't believe in Jesus, you're going to hell" band
Satan::	wagon. // I don't know ... I think that yes, there is some force of evil, but I don't know if one person/man/thing exists that embodies all that.
Heaven::	I'd like to think heaven exists. And that it's just kind of a re-meeting of all the people you want to see again, and ultimately all the things you loved.
Hell::	I don't know. Maybe. But really, I think it would be worse to just cease to exist. Pain at least let's you know (at least) your soul is still alive.
Miracles::	Miracles happen, that's just how life is. We can't possibly explain or predict everything.
Astrology::	I like to read horoscopes, yeah, and a lot of it I think is pretty spot-on, but it's also often ridiculous and wrong, so take it all with a grain of salt.
War::	I'd like to think I'm anti-war, but I can also see that it's kind of inevitable.
Ghosts::	I'm pretty sure I believe in ghosts, partly due to personal experiences.
Reincarnation::	I'd like to believe in reincarnation, because I think one lifetime is not enough to see/do all the things you need to in this world, but who knows.
Karma::	Yeah, karma definitely exists. The proof is in the pudding.
Luck::	I'm Irish, I pretty much have to (and do) believe in luck, but not in letting it passive-fy you.
Aliens::	Ehh, maybe. I think the universe is pretty damn big for us to be the only planet with anything on it.
Take this survey | Find more surveys Bzoink - The Original Survey Site

=========

one on one
In Five words or less
what youre not proud of:	Sucking at science.
what you live for:	Love, living, experiences.
what your best quality is:	Caring a lot.
favorite moment:	Laughing and feeling infinitely free.
future goals:	Don't fail, get OSU accepted.
what you want this christmas:	Personal, thoughtful, unexpected gifts.
Take this survey | Find more surveys Bzoink - The Original Survey Site

===========

Top Eight *New&Old Questions*
Meet them
1:	Hillary.
2:	Wes.
3:	Tricia.
4:	Claire.
5:	Zach.
6:	Amanda.
7:	Ashley.
8:	Sarah.
Numero One
What's this person's name backwards?:	Yrallih.
Where was the last place you've been with this person?:	Her house to drop her off. Beyond that, S N' S.
What would you buy for their birthday?:	Oh well, see, I can't tell you because that's coming up soon and it would give away the surprise.
What would this person most likely be for Halloween?:	Ha, something slutty because she knows why.
Who's this person's teacher/boss?:	She has quite a few teachers.
When did you last plan to go somewhere out?:	When I was last in town, early/mid October.
Numero Two
Who is one person number two is related to?:	His sister, Rachel.
Do you have any classes with 2?:	No, we go to different schools.
Describe 2 in three words.:	Oh, that's difficult.
Where is 2 usually at everyday?:	School, I would assume.
Why is this person number 2?:	Why are any of them any number? That's just how it worked out the last time I rearranged them.
What color is their hair?:	Black.
How old is 2?:	17 for another few months.
Numero Three
Name one thing this person likes:	Giving me "looks."
What does this person usually do all day?:	They have class too. We're all basically students. That's our lives.
Where does this person do their homework?:	I don't know ... in their room? In the library?
Does 3 use deordorant?:	Yeah, I'd assume so.
What number are you on for their top friends?:	Two. But we're married on facebook.
Where does 3 like to go for vacation?:	Camp Willson, she liked Vegas I assume, and NY is always cool. =)
How long have you known 3?:	A very long time. Technically since second grade, really since like ... sophomore/junior year of high school.
Numero 4.
Where does 4 live?:	Right now, in NY. Otherwise, Portland.
What does 4 like to eat?:	Ice cream and donuts late at night. Oreos during Sex and the City.
Who does 4 usually hang out with?:	I don't know, we don't hang out enough anymore, what with our busy schedules and far-away living spaces.
Why is this person number 4?:	Because they just are.
What reminds you of them?:	Amos Lee, throwing shoes/oranges, drama with boys. Ha. =)
What was the last thing you guys did together?:	We met up around the Tisch building just for some talking.
What does 4 hate?:	Lying, non-calling boys. Douche bags. Doing laundry more than once a month, ha!
Numero 5
Ever gotten into a fight with them??:	Yeah, in small ways.
Have they gotten into a physical fight yet?:	With anyone? I don't know. Not with me or that I've seen, at least.
Does 5 make a cute couple with 7?:	Let's see, who are they ... eh, I don't really see it happening.
Where have you been with 5?:	Several places...? This is an odd question.
What would this person be for Halloween?:	Oh man, I don't know.
Where do you see this person in ten years?:	Wow, ten years is a mighty long time. 27? Wow, I have no clue what *I'll* be doing then, let alone him.
What do they like to watch on TV?:	Ha, Cheaters late at night. House. (He's so saucy. It's true.)
Numero 6
Good memory with 6?:	Walking dogs at CAHS.
Where was 6 born?:	Ohio, I think, but I don't know for sure.
Have you two ever traveled together?:	Just on that school trip around Ohio, I believe.
Is 6 often on myspace?:	Maybe...? We're often online at the same time, it so happens.
What would this person most likely wear?:	To what? When?
Does 6 take surveys?:	Yes, she sends them to me occasionally as well.
How long have you known them?:	Again, a long time. Since middle school.
Numero 7
How did you meet 7?:	Through choir, drama, and the French trip.
What was your first impression?:	Well, I heard she carried the Soprano II section, so I guess that was it.
Describe 7 in three words.:	Again, too difficult.
When was the last time you saw this person?:	At the football game before I left, in August.
What reminds you of them?:	Oh man ... high school memories, lots of inside jokes about the French trip.
Where would you most likely see them?:	Back in Ohio at a school function.
Does this person decorate their myspace?:	Yeah.
Numero 8
What music do they listen to?:	Broadway! And other things. =)
What's one thing in their myspace?:	I don't know, I think she used to have a SB layout?
What is their default picture?:	I believe it's the one with the blue hat.
How old are they?:	17?
Do you comment this person a lot?:	Not *a lot* but I don't comment people a lot really.
What's the song on their myspace?:	I don't know...ah, I looked. She doesn't have one.
How long have you been friends?:	Since her freshman year, so four years now, almost?
hehe :D
How did you pick out your top eight?:	That's just how it naturally formed along a few changes.
Take this survey | Find more surveys Bzoink - The Original Survey Site

============

T.o.p..... 8.....
List them
1:	Hillary.
2:	Wes.
3:	Tricia.
4:	Claire.
5:	Zach.
6:	Amanda.
7:	Ashley.
8:	Sarah.
About 1
Why is he/she #1?:	She knows why. =)
How long have u known this person?:	Four years now.
what is her/his favorite color?:	Lime green.
do u trust them?:	Yes.
would u put ur life in their hands?:	I don't know that I'd ever be in a position to put my life in anyone's hands...
would u live with this person?:	Yeah, probably, though I don't see that coming up.
have u ever been to this persons house?:	Yes.
do u know their parents?:	Yes.
have u ever seen this person fall?:	Ha, probably.
about #2
why are they #2?:	Is this going to be a question everytime? They just are. Permanent answer.
how long have u known them?:	Four years now as well.
how did u meet this person?:	Through band.
do u enjoy spending long periods of time with this person?:	Ha, yes.
about 3
why are they #3?:	See above.
do u even like this person?:	Ha, yes.
do u ever have the urge to run them over with ur car?:	No.
about #4
why are they # 4:	See above.
have u ever wanted to hit this person?:	Probably, before we really became friends.
do u/ did u go to school with this person?:	Yes, still do.
do they have bad habits?:	Yeah, we all do.
what are they?:	Not doing her laundry until she has to do ALL of it -- as in everything she owns. Boy problems.
about #5
why are they #5?:	See above.
have u ever wanted to see them fall just because it would be fun?:	Not that I can really remember. But that hop/skip/jump-y thing he does sometimes when running to his front door is priceless.
do u love this person...at all?:	At all? Yeah. I love all my Top 8 people 'at all.'
about #6
why are they #6?:	See above.
what is the most irritating thing this person does?:	I don't know...I can't really think of anything.
about #7
why are they #7?:	See above.
how long have u known them?:	Like, two-three years.
about #8
why are they #8?:	See above.
do u even like this person or are they just on ur top 8 to keep them quiet?:	Ha, yes, I even like her.
About them all....
which one is smartest?:	I don't know, they're all smart.
prettiest?:	I really don't answer these questions.
ugliest?:	''
mean?:	''
easiest to talk to?:	''
have u ever done anything with any of them that u regret?:	Ha, no. Regrets are stupid.
which one could u be around for more than 24 hours straight?:	I have been around several of them for more than 24 hours straight.
who would u take to a concert if u had 1 last ticket?:	I've taken a few of them to shows/concerts as well. It would depends on who was available and who/what was playing.
would u ever take a bullet for any of them?:	Yeah, probably.
which one is ur best friend?:	A few of them are.
who would u do anything for?:	Anything is a huge term.
which one is easiest to talk to?:	Ahhhh the questions got stupid again.
Take this survey | Find more surveys Bzoink - The Original Survey Site

=============